uman beings are a deeply social species. In early childhood, two words frequently used interchangeably are attachment and belonging. The attachment bond between a caregiver and an infant or young child is foundational to a myriad of later relationships that the child and the eventual adult will or won’t have. Toddlers begin to explore the world from what is known as a secure base (the safe anchor point created by caregivers). This provides the starting point for a toddler’s exploration of the world, the basis of a growing independence, and confidence in engagements with peers and others. The combination of attachment, the secure base, and belonging sits at the core of what it means to be human.
In the years following World War II, a British pediatrician, John Bowlby, described the early relationship between a caregiver and their infant as the attachment bond. From an evolutionary perspective, early attachments are key both for survival (a helpless infant on the Savannah will not survive for long) as well as for lifelong flourishing. Imagine a newly crawling 8-month-old with their mother in a novel situation like their first time visiting a family member or friend. At first, the infant will sit on their mother’s lap looking around, leaning back on their mother, looking up at her and sizing up the situation. After some time, they may allow their mother to put them on the floor at her feet, but with one condition: her mother will stay exactly where she is and not stand up and leave the room. A little time will pass. The infant may venture out a little, crawl slowly away. But here is the nub. They will not go far, certainly not at first. They will stop, look back to their mother, and check her expression—just to be sure there is no danger before continuing their exploration. The infant is using their newly achieved skill of social referencing to get an inkling of what their mother is thinking. This is secure base behavior.
Why is this important for belonging? Firstly, attachment is at the heart of belonging, of our felt sense of security in the world during early childhood. In infancy, the secure base is concrete initially. The mother is sitting there, and for the infant, she is there to assess safety and danger. But over time, this is replaced by a psychological one. Based on these early experiences, the child will develop an internal working model of the world—a schema so-to-speak of how the world works. When the early experiences of the infant or child are characterized by sensitive, available, and loving caregivers, with their emotional needs attended to, they build an internal working model with trust at the heart. In situations where such responsive care is not present, the child may develop an anxious, insecure attachment in which relationships may be characterized by uncertainty—mistrust even. Humans are biologically wired to attach, to connect, to feel safe, and most importantly, to have a sense of belonging.
Kim Samuel, in her book, “On Belonging: Finding Connection in an Age of Isolation” describes a number of different dimensions of belonging—everything from our relationships with other people, our rootedness in nature, our ability to influence political and economic decision-making, to finding meaning and purpose in our lives. As we move from early childhood to adolescence, a sense of belonging can come from many places. As we start trying to find our independence during adolescence—to discover who we are separate from caregivers and family—acceptance becomes key, and we are drawn to relationships and communities that provide this space. Ironically, for the adolescent who had a secure base as a young child, this journey may be somewhat eased. But there are no guarantees. For example, many adolescents with anxious and insecure attachments are able to find a sense of belonging from their peer group that makes up for what was lacking during their childhood. They connect; find their place; and find their meaning. Belonging and its central place in our wellbeing evolves across our lives and times and includes elements of how we relate to our own selves as well as our engagements in a larger, interconnected world.
While navigating the world from a position of secure attachment as a child does not guarantee an easy ride, it does offer a starting point to evolve a deep sense of belonging as well as the ability to explore and engage with the world. And perhaps most importantly, it sits at the heart of resilience and the capacity to navigate difficulties and challenges. If we nurture and evolve our inner world, it helps us go beyond resilience to finding ourselves as part of a larger world.
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The Critical Foundation Humans Need to Find our Place in the World
Image by Denise Husted from Pixabay
November 3, 2023
In early childhood, a healthy attachment bond with caregivers helps children to evolve a sense of belonging and to explore and engage with the world. Critically, healthy attachment fosters resilience and the ability to navigate difficulties later in life, write Moitreyee Sinha and Mark Tomlinson.
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uman beings are a deeply social species. In early childhood, two words frequently used interchangeably are attachment and belonging. The attachment bond between a caregiver and an infant or young child is foundational to a myriad of later relationships that the child and the eventual adult will or won’t have. Toddlers begin to explore the world from what is known as a secure base (the safe anchor point created by caregivers). This provides the starting point for a toddler’s exploration of the world, the basis of a growing independence, and confidence in engagements with peers and others. The combination of attachment, the secure base, and belonging sits at the core of what it means to be human.
In the years following World War II, a British pediatrician, John Bowlby, described the early relationship between a caregiver and their infant as the attachment bond. From an evolutionary perspective, early attachments are key both for survival (a helpless infant on the Savannah will not survive for long) as well as for lifelong flourishing. Imagine a newly crawling 8-month-old with their mother in a novel situation like their first time visiting a family member or friend. At first, the infant will sit on their mother’s lap looking around, leaning back on their mother, looking up at her and sizing up the situation. After some time, they may allow their mother to put them on the floor at her feet, but with one condition: her mother will stay exactly where she is and not stand up and leave the room. A little time will pass. The infant may venture out a little, crawl slowly away. But here is the nub. They will not go far, certainly not at first. They will stop, look back to their mother, and check her expression—just to be sure there is no danger before continuing their exploration. The infant is using their newly achieved skill of social referencing to get an inkling of what their mother is thinking. This is secure base behavior.
Why is this important for belonging? Firstly, attachment is at the heart of belonging, of our felt sense of security in the world during early childhood. In infancy, the secure base is concrete initially. The mother is sitting there, and for the infant, she is there to assess safety and danger. But over time, this is replaced by a psychological one. Based on these early experiences, the child will develop an internal working model of the world—a schema so-to-speak of how the world works. When the early experiences of the infant or child are characterized by sensitive, available, and loving caregivers, with their emotional needs attended to, they build an internal working model with trust at the heart. In situations where such responsive care is not present, the child may develop an anxious, insecure attachment in which relationships may be characterized by uncertainty—mistrust even. Humans are biologically wired to attach, to connect, to feel safe, and most importantly, to have a sense of belonging.
Kim Samuel, in her book, “On Belonging: Finding Connection in an Age of Isolation” describes a number of different dimensions of belonging—everything from our relationships with other people, our rootedness in nature, our ability to influence political and economic decision-making, to finding meaning and purpose in our lives. As we move from early childhood to adolescence, a sense of belonging can come from many places. As we start trying to find our independence during adolescence—to discover who we are separate from caregivers and family—acceptance becomes key, and we are drawn to relationships and communities that provide this space. Ironically, for the adolescent who had a secure base as a young child, this journey may be somewhat eased. But there are no guarantees. For example, many adolescents with anxious and insecure attachments are able to find a sense of belonging from their peer group that makes up for what was lacking during their childhood. They connect; find their place; and find their meaning. Belonging and its central place in our wellbeing evolves across our lives and times and includes elements of how we relate to our own selves as well as our engagements in a larger, interconnected world.
While navigating the world from a position of secure attachment as a child does not guarantee an easy ride, it does offer a starting point to evolve a deep sense of belonging as well as the ability to explore and engage with the world. And perhaps most importantly, it sits at the heart of resilience and the capacity to navigate difficulties and challenges. If we nurture and evolve our inner world, it helps us go beyond resilience to finding ourselves as part of a larger world.
